A Letter From L.S.
Dear Lark,
I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed seeing you again last Wednesday, and being a part of your workshop. I was so happy when I found out you were going to be the presenter. I have always been amazed and thankful for the work you've done with children, and have followed your career and the paths you have forged for many years.

I have always looked up to you, and every time I hear you speak, I am reminded of why I do the work I do. I can't tell you in words how wonderful it was that you remembered me - I could have talked to you for hours! Your strength and passion inspire me to continue my education and to be the best advocate and voice for children I work with.

Thank you, Lark, for toughing my life, and the lives of children and families you work with. We are lucky to have you.
Love,
- L.S.

A Letter From A Parent
FYI - I was touched this evening by something she did.
Without any prodding, she showed empathy for a little girl and offered to share what she had been given...... Wow!
- A Parent

A Letter From A Mother 
I wish they had given us a handbook or a pamphlet of do's and don't regarding caring for our son immediately after we got him.

I wish we had been required to take some classes on attachment after we adopted our son. We could have helped him so much more if we had realized how much he needed us to control his life; how much structure, routine, rituals and nurturing activities he needed to feel really safe and secure.

EMDR has been very helpful for our son. He handles feelings of anxiety so much better. When he is anxious about something he usually doesn't stay that way 24 hours a day. He can engage in other activities and have fun.
- Mother of a Child Adopted from Russia 

A Letter From Jade
I write this in the hope that it will help parents of Reactive Attachment Disordered children, whether as encouragement or so you can get an idea of some forms of therapy. Before I started therapy, I was a living nightmare. When we tried public school for the first time in 6th grade it turned into a disaster. I was expelled and had to finish the remained of the school year at home. During the summer between 6th and 7th we discovered SAME, a nutritional supplement that did wonders. It brought me down from severe to moderate. I completed 7th grade, but just barely. That fall I started seeing Lark Esheman and home schooling again.

One of the first things I remember about therapy was the skin / eye contact Mom and I practiced during sessions. Another change was Lark said no social activity for a while, giving Mom and me a chance to bond. This was one of the hardest things I had to deal with in therapy. When I came to Lark I was still enmeshed in my problems such as lying, stealing, manipulating, etc., but as months passed we saw improvement.

Around February I started additional therapy called Neurofeedback. When I began I was a terribly uncoordinated runner, and couldn't handle large crowds without getting exhausted and stressed out. I couldn't even really relax, hypervigilance being a part of the disorder. Now I am fine in large crowds and can run moderately fast - I even enjoy it. Neurofeedback and Lark's counseling were helping me "reprogram" my brain and deal with long pent-up feelings, other therapies were also introduced. We tried EMDR and it brought such a rush of emotions at once that I wasn't ready for it and got irritable and tried to suppress these feelings. I have learned to deal with these things at my own pace.

We also added a dog to our family, and I was given responsibility for grooming and training her as a show dog. I had to learn a lot of patience for this one, and to stand up proudly in front of an audience and judges, for Zoti's sake. We have added another dog since, and being responsible for them has helped me grow up quite a bit.

It has been two years since I began therapy with Lark and I know I've healed so much and I thank God for that. I also realize how much my family has put up with! Especially my Mom who has shown and still shows unending patience and hope for me. Please don't think I'm 100% normal now. I still deal with issues and problems - everyone does - but I've learned how to deal with them. In fact, I'm going back to school, first time since 7th grade! I'm going to 10th. Wish me luck.

There is such a difference between the way I thought before and the way I think now. Before I started therapy I thought of my parents as the enemy, or like guards at a prison, that I had to outwit or escape. Now I see us as a team working together.

I wish so much I could change my past and erase all the errors I made but RAD is like insanity. The more insane you are the less you believe it. I thought so differently, I was so delusional back then that I can't even put myself in that place anymore. (Thankfully!) I was given up as a hopeless case by one therapist. Now I can understand why she thought that. I am just so thankful my parents didn't give up on me, but kept searching for help. They had faith God would send the right help, and He did. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone had faith like that. If we could, couldn't we get rid of RAD altogether?

A Letter From C.H.
Dear Lark, Kathy and Bob,
Thank you for the great Information Breakfast and Conversation. It was so nice to see Kathy and Lark again, and to meet Bob. Your offices are beautiful and well equipped. The work you do is so important, and you offer an excellent, state of the art, loving program. Thanks also for the canvas bag of helpful and informative items. The video is a great tool to spread the word about attachment disorder and treatment, and your work. Lark looked beautiful in the video, and spoke so well.

Thanks so much for deepening our connection.
- C.H.

A Letter From A Sibling
I had always wanted a sister, someone to do things with. What I hadn't counted on was that I wouldn't like or even get along with my new sister.
As for being the sibling, I should watch and observe everything that happened without being emotionally involved

In the beginning she was very pleasant and behaved for the most part. As time went along, she became more comfortable with the family and some of her aggression and past problems came out in the form of tantrums. With therapy and as she got more attached to my Mom, the tantrums became less and less frequent. In general, I believe she is more attached and capable as a human being relating to others appropriately. I can say, honestly, I believe that one day she will be perfectly normal. She will be different from me but that is just because we are different people with different personalities, and from different backgrounds, not because she has emotional difficulties.

It may have taken me three years to recognize the improvement and change in her, but when I look back I see baby steps that led to the leap of an improvement that I can now see.
- A Sibling

A Letter From A Professional
Thank you so much for inviting us to be part of your breakfast for professionals. We felt welcomed and hopeful for what we were about to learn, and our hope was not in vain. We were so excited about what you are doing to help hurting children and families. Your passion strengthened our own resolve.
I have always been amazed and thankful for the work you've done with children, and have followed your career and paths you have forged for many years. Every time I hear you speak, I am reminded why I do the work I do. Your strength and passion inspire me to continue on with my education and to be the best advocate ad voice for children I work with. Thank you for touching my life and the lives of the children and families you work with.

We are lucky to have you.

A Letter From A Teacher and A Guidance Counselor
From a Teacher:
The funneling techniques I learned at my student's IEP meeting were invaluable. Now he can be reminded of how his mother takes care of him even when he's in school.

From a Guidance Counselor:
I learned several techniques to redirect one of my more difficult students. However, what I am learning is these techniques are effective with all students.

A Letter From A Parent
Parenting is an art, and we all have to feel our way as we go.
A healthy, secure attachment between you and your child will be foundation of your relationship through the years and be of great benefit to your child's future mental health and happiness.
- A Parent

A Letter To A Teacher
Dear Teacher,
Please do not think I am a bad parent. My child has what the medical profession calls an attachment disorder. This disorder affects children who did not, for whatever reason, emotionally bond to their birth mother, and who then carry this lack of bonding with later mothers. The vast majority of children who have this disorder are adopted, and therefore not living with birth parents.

Here are a few things you may find helpful as you deal with my child in your classroom. I want the best for my child, and I also want your day to do well in your classroom. I don't suggest these things to be arrogant, to suggest that you couldn't figure them out for yourself, or to tell you how to run your classroom. I offer them as ideas for things these children resend to better than what we would traditionally consider as appropriate behaviors and consequences with a child.

Children with attachment disorder tend to need the following:

• A tight, but loving, structured environment where the rules never change, but the consequences often do.
• Adults who say what they mean, and mean what they say, and who don't rely on giving lots of chances before consequences fall.
• Someone who will not be easily manipulated by a child who desperately needs to be in control of all interactions with adults, and who understands that these children are expert liars who can fool even experienced teachers and counselors.
• Someone who will check out all the facts before giving my child any benefit of the doubt.
• Someone who understands that, if a child is "flunking out" in all other areas of life, getting schoolwork done must sometimes take a back seat.
• Someone who knows that there is reason for why my child is doing the things he/she is doing, and that, until he/she stops acting out, he/she will have a very sad life, and so hl=olds my child responsible for his/her actions and doesn't excuse those actions because of my child's problems.
• Someone who realizes that my child is quite superficially charming with adults he/she doesn't have to be in a family relationship with, but lacks the ability to true closeness with family members, especially parents.
• Someone who will not prejudge my parenting skills without asking me why I do certain things with my child.
• Someone who understands that my child doesn't show affection to his/her parents, but will ask to go home and live with you as a way of distancing from me.
• Someone who will be a strong, consistent adult with my child so my child can feel safe enough to be able to go back to being a child, and
• Someone who calls me to check out the stories my child tells before jumping to the conclusion that the child must be telling the truth because of his/her apparent sincerity.

Thank you so much for reading this letter, and I hope we can talk more about this wonderfully challenging child I have brought into your classroom.

Thanks to Gary Flanders, "An Open Letter to Teachers"